Manly bike for sale
- Clonskeagh, Dublin
- decade ago
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Bike for sale
What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The front reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that front reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a front reflector is like saying "F&$K YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".
I bought this bike for 300 euro from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy crap so I said no way.
The bike has some rusted screws and rusted everything else, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rust on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those rusty bits can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.
The bike is for men because the seat is flat and not shaped like a dong.
I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 18 speeds in total:
Gear 1-2 - Sissy Gears
Gear 3-5 - Less Sissy Gears
Gear 6-8 - Least Sissy Gears
Gear 9-11 - Boy Gears
Gear 13-14 - Pre-teen Boy Gears
Gear 15-16 - Manly Gears
Gear 17-18 - Big Muscles Gears
I only like gear 17 and 18 to be honest.
Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four". The key is lost so that lock is staying right there
Bike is for 20 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices) Needs a ton of work for the average man to ride really, new chain, tyres, brakes and all that jazz.
Will swap for a Sawdoctors t-shirt