Stuck for an Excuse???
Do you ever find yourself stuck for a good excuse, in a situation you would like to avoid, done or said something you shouldn’t have - late for work, want to avoid dinner with the in-laws, caught looking at your girlfriends hot friends, Missed birthdays, anniversaries, funeral, weddings etc…
Well Fear not – Salvation is only a couple of clicks away.
Today I am proud, humbled and excited to be able to offer, at the special Introductory
price of €2.99, 'An excuse for any occasion'
(Only valid in Ireland and some parts of the North.)
How does this first of it's kind service works I hear you scream.
You tell me the situation you want to avoid / get out of - I will provide you with a valid, believable 100% legal excuse.
*If excuse does not work I can only assume it was the way you told it. All my excuses are based on pure science and we all know science is never wrong.
To prove this point – pick up a remote control, hold it out in front of you and let go.
According to science this item should drop to the ground…..and what happens…..see science is always right.
1. A single, once off I need your help excuse. €2.99.
2. The weekly blag: Having a bad week, always late for work, annoying the misses, failing to think on your feet. Then this weekly pass to a guilt free existence is for you. Excuses for 7 days. €6.99. (excuses not used on previous days can be carried forward)
3. The yearly package or big kahuna as I like to call it. €206.99
Very similar to ‘option 2 - The weekly Blag’ but multiply the excuses by 52 weeks and boom - you have a yearly get out of jail free card.*
* Please do not take the term 'Get out of jail free card' literally - I am good but my magical powers do not work on Judges of the law. Please stay in school, don't do drugs and please don't go knocking off your local post office.
Monday - Closed (Wouldn't you if you could)
Tues 11:30 -12:30 – Break for Lunch - 3:30 - 4:30
Wed - Closed (Need a break after the long hours put in on Tuesday)
Thurs 12:30 -13:00 (Only to come across as professional)
Fri: 15:30 -16:00 (Good excuse to get into town early)
Sat: Closed (Playtime)
Sun: Closed (The good lord wouldn't be impressed)
Please add an additional €50.27 for any out of office hours request's.
Available all year round: If you quote a line from my favourite Bob Marley song receive a 25% discount off first purchase.
Valentines Day Special:
On Feb 14th if you need a hand to explain why you forgot to buy that special somebody a card or present all excuses will be free. (Up until 17:00 - I will be busy romancing after that).
Cash - Call to my office and handover the YoYo’s.
Bank Transfer - Less personal but I can easily get over that.
PayPal - Look at you being all fancy and down with technology. Make it happen.
iTunes Gift Card - Just send me some good tunes and we will call it quits. (Any trashy pop or euro disco and I will put a curse on you – I am half Donegal half Voodo)
Hugs - Offer to accept hugs as a payment method will have to be reviewed on a case by case basis. I got stung badly in the past - not going down that road again.
Any questions just send me a mind bullet and I will do my best to get back to you - alternatively if you are not advanced enough to be able to use or control your mind bullets then a simple, albeit slower email, will do the job.
What the people are saying:
The Donegal Bugle:
This product is nothing short of amazing. When used for more than a week everybody is the office started to look at least 15 years younger.
About as useful as a flat tire on a Massy MF427.
The only thing missing is more Pat Kenny.
Great movie, terrific performances all round - it’s an inspiring and magical journey.
A service that’s as appropriate as a slice of brack and a cup of tea on a cold winters days.
Provocative, sultry, dirty, sweaty, nasty, used, regret, shame, rash.
Just some of the emotions we experienced after the first usage. It was worth it.
OMG! Simply Fabulous. Amazballs.
“ Ahh jaysus - You have far too much feckin’ time no your hands. If you spent as much time on your prayers as you do with this shight you might be better off.”
Note: Quotes from the above are not actually from the listed publications but more what I imagine they would say except for the Mammy comment – that’s word for word.
Tips on choosing a service
Contact a few service providers and compare prices/quotes
Know exactly what you are getting for your money
Get quote in writing and ask for references
Know your rights, visit the CCPC website