Snowman

Selling, albeit practically giving this yoke away at the price we're looking for.

What is it lad?

It's a snowman.

Because the Internet has taught us one thing we think it's important to make this clear.......

It. Is. Not. A. Real. Snowman.

If you're still in doubt perhaps read that clarification again?

Anyway down to business.

Dimensions're 3 Foot & 1 Inch Long/Tall/High x 1 Foot & 5 Inches Wide/Across.

We don't know what that is in metric; we use imperial, measurements as well as soap but you can er, "translate" it yourself if you're so minded...bothered.

New, well new to it anyway, bulb gone into it; it's a screw-in one, not a bayonet & is the wider screw-in & not the narrow one.

In fact it's out of a lamp; we tried another one, didn't work but amn't a***d changing it back; the other one works too anyway.

Ultimately we figured out if it wasn't one thing, it'd be the other....the other being the fuse in the plug which, having done Home Economics & learnt how to "Cook Coleslaw", and knocked someones Christmas Cake on the ground in Transition Year in November or December 1994; we denied it was us, despite about 35 or more of our fellow teenagers & the Home Ec Teacher herself seeing us, or at least being in the same room when it happened, we flat out denied rresponsibility while absolutely breaking our hole laughing cos, well, it wasn't our Christmas cake was it?

Legit recall muttering "Oh s**t" in what was a cavernous echoey room & kind of regretting that cos it drew attention to the incident; we then proceeded trying to scoop it back up with our hands & a spatula cos, apparently the janitors spade & fork might've been more obvious.....

So yeah, after going off on a tangent there, we opened the plug, using a Phillip Head Screwdriver, feeling quare eh, "Manly", we bought a new fuse, closed the plug securely and said, to ourselves, "Now" by means of reassuring ourselves we know or knew what we''re doing & had "fixed" it.

Lookit, it's working that's the main thing; we've road-tested it and, by road-testing it we mean we plugged it in, the light goes on; it looks "Festive" or "Christmasy", "Wintery" etc.

The End.

Onto the various other issues which might be important.

It's a bit tarnished; could do wi' a lick of paint here & there but it's hardly a deal-breaker now is it?

Lookit, unless you scrutinise it closely you wouldn't know the difference and anyway the time of year you'll be using this it'll be dark so you'll barely notice it like?

Like it makes no odds to us.

What's the "F" for on the top-hat?

F****d if we know........?

Do you deliver? Our initial reply to that one is "Do I f**k!".................

Collection only in "Carlow Lad" though we can stretch to meeting somewhere neutral nearby to our neighbourhood, two to three blocks away.

But if you're expecting us to bring it to "Somewhere Neutral" like Spindlewood, or Sandhills or the Downs, Dolmen Hall, Dolmen Gardens, Lacken Rise or Browneshill or the likes of any of those quare posh places on the outskirts of our wonderful town you can absolute expect away & keep on expecting but it still won't be happening.

Da Fuq you think we are? A Camel? A Llama? Maybe the Daily F*****g Lama but not an actual llama.

Swapsies? What you got? Rothmans Football Yearbook 1990/1991? Fair sure I have that as it happens so no thanks.

A Rub & a tug from one of the, counts, four or five such premises, knocking shops currently in operation?

Tempted.....but not sure if I rock up to one of them with this yoke slung over my shoulder they'd open the door?

As always all the usual Ts & Cs apply.

No Mickey Money Tuesday tripes need apply; no "I'll pay ya when my 13th Sprog Shadyn-Antos mainto comes in from Dazzler when he's off the chalkdust for long enough" need issue an Expressions of Interest form either.

Payment can be by PayPal, EFT or cash.

Are we open to negotiation on price?

Preferably Northwards yes; no skin off of our teeth if this item ooesn't shift.

G'Wan, we're away to swig some Woodies & watch Glenroe.

P.S. We won't be modelling it in our mankini on Paupish Bridge at 3am on a Sunday morning......not after the last time anyway.