Description

Are you tired of "portability" ruining your life?

Does the thought of your fat ass being "on the go" make you want to weep, like when you look into the fridge to see that uneaten salad?

Well, have I got the productivity powerhouse (and by powerhouse, I mean stationary object) for you.

I’m selling my Microsoft Surface Go 2.
It’s sleek.
It’s stylish.
It has a battery that is—and I cannot stress this enough—completely and utterly dead.

Why this is a literal life-changer:

Mandatory Immobility:

Since it must be plugged into a wall at all times to function, you finally have a valid excuse to stay exactly where you are. "Sorry, I can't come help with the kids, my computer is tethered to the outlet like a high-tech goat. Important digital grazing to do"

Zero Battery Anxiety:

You’ll never have to look at that little percentage icon and panic. It’s 100% or 0%. There is no in-between. There is only the cord (USB-C - not supplied).

The "Anti-Gym" Feature:

Most tablets encourage you to go to coffee shops or parks. Not this one. This Surface is committed to your sedentary lifestyle. It’s the only piece of tech that actively helps you avoid accidental exercise.

Built-in Desktop Experience:

It’s basically a desktop computer that shrunk in the wash.

The Specs: (in picture)

Screen: Beautiful, vibrant, and stays right where you put it.

Portability: 0/10 (unless you own a very long extension cord).

Battery Life: Negative five minutes.

OS: Windows 11 Pro

Condition: Like new - battery degraded from sitting in a box for too long. Spiritually tired.

A small price to pay for the perfect excuse to never leave your favourite chair again.