Description

"Gertrude; the mad phucker from Carlow's trying to flog something again; will we see what's up for grabs this time?".........

Today we bring you a United Away Jersey; it's white, has Vodafone on front of it & was made by NIKE; represented by the Swoosh & inevitably produced by some slave labour kid for 5c a day, at best........

But glossing over that & moving on rather swiftly, what else can we say about this item?

It's the one that David Beckham wore; well not the actual one but you get our drift right?

It's got nothing, like no name or number, on the back of it but if you want we can sign it with a Sharpie like "John 3:7" or similar?

"Long Time Ago When We Was Fab" was a George Harrison hit & being honest so too were United with a cracking squad in fairness.

Size Medium.....ish; it doesn't say it on it but it looks like it but perhaps more Small but bordering on Medium depending on your torso & whether that torso has been dismembered & immersed in water & become bloated or not......

Lookit; we'll take one look at you if *hi* suddenly gets real & there's a probability to exchange jersey for payment & we'll be honest about whether it might suit you or not; don't be getting all mouthy on us if we don't think it's for you.......

No "Try before you buy"; it's a jersey, not a Play Blue item.

Plus our jacks isn't the dressing room at Carrington and, to be fair, it's been a while since we cleaned the jacks with anything stronger than our morning urinary excretion trip; first one of the day's important & leaves us all warm & fuzzy when we know we can go back to bed for a snooze & haven't leaked any onto our Wonder Woman pyjamas.

Will we be modelling it? Will we 'eck as like; we want to sell it, not end up hanging onto it!!!!

A.O.B.? Yeah, just cos it says Vodafone on front of it doesn't mean it can make phonecalls, send texts, is connected to the Wi-Fi etc.

It's of a time when we were, well, less s**t than, checks notes, going out to Grimsby away in the 2nd Rnd. of the League Cup on penalties, this season.

So cherish it for that reason.

And why were we in the 2nd Rnd. of League Cup in first place?

Cos we were hovering around relegation spots last season, made Europa League Final, had legit expectations, delusions now in hindsight, of beating Spurs, cos, well, it's only Spurs lads innit bruva'?

Only to cap off another pox of a season by losing to them too......

Pricing this at €75 to begin with; 100% open to negotiation, preferably northwards.

Readies upfront; PayPal preferred as we may not like the colour of your greenbacks & no cash discounts but saying all of that we will take cash so long's it's not been stuck down yer Y-Fronts for past week ya big Sweaty Betty!

No refunds; you buy, you take, we give, you get & that's it; let's not overthink this one please?

Also this is Adverts, not Quinnsworth & we're not Maurice Pratt.

We're not in any great hurry to sell so won't be strong armed on price.

If the price isn't to your liking let's talk but no extracting the aforementioned urine; it's no skin off of our teeth if it doesn't sell & we won't be ending up sick's a small hopsital with kidney disease from aforementioned urinary extraction.

As always all the usual Ts & Cs apply.

No Mickey Money Tuesday tripes need apply; no "I'll pay ya when my 13th Sprog Shadyn-Antos mainto comes in from Dazzler when he's off the chalkdust for long enough" need issue an Expressions of Interest form either.

No Swapsies; sure what're we gonna swap it for?

A jar of ED tablets? Sure we can get them off Billy Blue Balls our neighbour orr Viagra Jesus as we have them in our phone; the stuff is like rocket fuel!

Or a rub & a tug from one of the,various knocking shops currently in operation?

As it happens someday we plan on holding a walking tour of Carlow identifying the past & present premises used, being used, for such activities from Kilkenny Rd. to Burrin St., both sides of the bridge, to Tullow St to Presentation Place to Accommodation Rd., Clayton Court, to Ferrybank, John St., Johns Mill, Kennedy St. etc.

Maybe for Heritage Week 2026?

But we'll concentrate on trying to sell this jersey first before we pitch that idea to the Local Enterprise Office & Carlow Tourism......

We reckon it's a banger though......there will be an entry fee of course; at the end the tour guide has to cover their expenses; tener per person, minimum twenty people depending......

Collection only in "Carlow Lad" preferred but can meet at a neutral venue to exchange money for item.

Right am away tae to a lap of the Spire up in Dublin; vertically of course...

Payment can be by PayPal, EFT or cash.

P.S. We won't be modelling it in our Y-Fronts on Bill Duggan Bridge at 6am on a Friday morning......not after the last time anyway; some trucker was making eyes at us on their way from Portlaoise to the ferry in Rosslare; said they were feeling lonely, had a cabin onboard etc.